On the Xandros Forums, a post about a funny chemistry student essay that made the rounds a few years back, got me thinking of other famous email forwards from yesteryear. Hey it’s been 10 years for me, its ok to be able to wax nostalgic.

So do you remember the Good Times virus? It came out back in the day of plain text emails, saying that if you opened the email with the subject line ‘Good Times’, the virus would then destroy your computer. Of course, to noob’ish Internet users, the thought of a plain text email being able to destroy your PC, was quite scary! Of course, it was total bullshit.

For the sake of you who haven’t a clue what I’m on about, here is the text of the Good Times hoax, which still leaves me in tears to this day.

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Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD’s you try to play.

It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there’s company coming over. It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.

Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.

It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can’t find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss’s voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methanphedime in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.

_{courtesy of hoaxbusters}