Ahh Rome. A bustling city where one can idly sip cappuccinos from quaint cafes while overlooking ancient piazzas with impeccably dressed Italians zipping by in their Vespas.

Uhm, ok so that’s not really what happened in my recent trip to Rome. So what was it really like? Why read some boring travelogue when you can read my personal scorecard of my trip! Hey, it could be the start of a trend.

Cappuccino: 1
Coffee: 0

Thin Crust: 1
Deep Dish: 0

Harley’s: 0
Mopeds: 1

Air Conditioning: -10
Heat: 1

Sidewalks: 0
Suicidal dashes through traffic: 1

Beer: 0
Birra: 1

Cologne: 2
Bathing: 0

Expressive words: 2
Expressive hand gestures: 2

Men who could be extras from “The Godfather”: 1
Women who could be extras from “La Dolce Vita”: 0

Parthenon: 1
Coliseum: 0

Romans:
Venetians:
(game called due to violence)

Road Courtesy: 0
Road Rage: 1

Restaurants that would prefer not to sit couples with babies: 0
McCaleb party of three, right this way: 1

Forgiveness: 0
Vendettas: 1

Artisans selling handicrafts at tourist sites: 0
Chinese people selling the same crap, stall after stall: 1,057

Mimes who chase people down the street: 1
Half nekked Italians dressed as gladiators looking really bored: 0

And finally:

Taxis who try to sucker money from hapless foreigners: 0
Good ‘ol Texas whup-ass: 1

Judge for yourself. Rome was as visually breathtaking as you would imagine.